Finding the Joyful Bits…

I had a nice reminder this morning from an app I use called “The Shine”. 

They call themselves a “podcast meets meditation” app and honestly, that’s the best description I could give it too. 

Everyday they offer words of advice on gratitude, anxiety, happiness, stress… 

They tie in bits of psychology, the science behind happiness, and they also guide you through some breathing and meditation with a focus on the subject of the day. 

I feel like I’ve accidentally started “selling” this app to you, but truly, I recommend checking it out! They have a free version that lets you listen to the “Daily Shine” but you have to pay to access the entire library. And no… this is not an affiliate offer 😂.

The point of this whole bit was to arrive at today’s topic: (ironically) The Arrival Fallacy

I’d never heard of this principle until today’s meditation, but it’s an idea my mind has been chewing on for a while…

Ever since I became an entrepreneur, actually. 

The Arrival Fallacy is the (false) belief that you will “achieve” happiness when you finally reach a set goal or finish line. 

Say you’re gunning for those $10k months…

Or you want to work part-time hours and spend more time with your kids…

Or maybe you simply want to quit your 9-5 and work for yourself…

You may THINK that when you achieve that goal, then you will finally be happy. 

But the truth is — Happiness isn’t something you achieve at a destination. 

👉 Happiness is something you cultivate in the small moments all along the journey. 

When I first started as an entrepreneur I ran into this mindset from a lot of people — even mentors I greatly admired! — that you had to “put in your time” and “hustle for a year or two” and then you’d be set. You could finally work those 15 hour weeks making $15k+ a month and be happy as a clam. 

But… from the beginning I sat and asked myself this question: 

Are you willing to trade two years of pain to reach that destination?

And I realized my answer was… No. 

I wanted to enjoy my journey. Even if it took me longer. 

I think a part of me recognized the Arrival Fallacy (even though I didn’t have the terminology to express it) because it’s a trap I fell into many times before. 

• I thought when I graduated college (reaching the finish line of school, you might say) — that would make me happy.

• I thought when I finally got a paying job and no longer had to be the intern — then I would be happy. 

• I thought when I ditched my minimum wage job for one that paid twice as much and came with a prestigious name — then I would definitely, finally be happy.

… None of those things brought me happiness. 

The things that brought me happiness were the friends I made along the way. The road trips-gone-wrong, the rainy hikes to waterfalls, the “friend dates” to taste every free sample at Costco…

I got some things wrong along the way too. Things I regret. 

🚫 While I was busy “chasing the finish line” I missed some important weddings, thinking I couldn’t “afford” it or I couldn’t ask for the time off without upsetting my boss. 

🚫 I quit reading for pleasure and tried to force myself to read books that would further my career… yet reading Fantasy books has always been one of my greatest delights. 

🚫 I missed holidays with my family and took overtime hours like it was candy. 

Now I’m not going to lie… when I quit my 9-5 I had one of the greatest single boosts in my happiness in a long time. But that was because I was working in an incredibly toxic workplace, so simply stepping out of that space was a breath of fresh air. 

But cultivating my happiness into my daily life was a practice I had to work on. Creating space to read again, to go for walks, to meditate and do yoga… those things took WORK because I was always being sucked into the Arrival Fallacy. 

When I started my business, a piece of me desperately wanted to sprint toward that finish line — to get to the $10k months and the 15 hour work weeks. 🏁

I regularly have to quiet that piece of me. To soothe her and remind her that we’ll get there in our own time. 

I’m happier now than I’ve been in a long, long time. And I don’t have it all figured out. 

Case in point: I’m an email marketer who emails my own list about once a month 😂

… I’m inconsistent posting on Instagram and I only write blogs when I’m “inspired” — which is the exact opposite of all the best marketing advice. 

But you know what? 

💖 I work with clients I love. 

📝 I have the capacity to produce amazing work for them, and if my own marketing falls by the wayside… Well, I’m working on it. And I’m at a point in my career where referrals and repeat clients support my business. 🤷🏼‍♀️

🌞 I take a long walk almost every day. 

📖 I read (for fun) almost every day. 

👯‍♀️ I rarely skip a chance to spend time with my friends.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👧 I spend more time with my family than ever before. 

✍🏼 And I’m finally writing a novel. 

Of course I have goals, and I’m working towards them. But I don’t let myself agonize over reaching them. I make a point to stop and look around, and enjoy where I’m at. 

I encourage you to take a moment now and think about your own goals. Have you been experiencing the Arrival Fallacy? How can you shift your focus so that you maintain your momentum towards the goal, but can enjoy the process just as much? 

For me that looks like: 

• Embracing imperfection (continuing to post, even if it’s sporadic) 

• Following my inspiration (allowing myself to do tasks I enjoy, even if there’s not an immediate benefit)

• Not using guilt as a motivator (this is a big one for me… and I could probably write a whole blog about it. So let’s save that for another day.) 

So what about you? Have you been falling for the Arrival Fallacy? Did this discovery change how you’re going to proceed? 

Leave a comment and let me know — I’d love to hear your thoughts!